The lost journals of Robert Walter Graham – part 1

Journal of Robert Walter GrahamThe following is a letter from the journals of the late Robert Walter Graham, which were recently found in his home:


I’m writing this because Alzheimers disease is a genetic gift passed on from my mother’s side and if it should happen to me, I can read these and re-live important moments of my life.  Unlike my eldest sister Martha who doesn’t recognize anyone and doesn’t even remember when she needs to use it.  I can tell by the stench of urine as soon as you walk into her hospice room.  I have ways to fend off Alzheimers and keeping the ole nogger active is the way to go.

Today, I became a grandpa, a proud moment I must say.  In one way, it’s about damn time. I wondered if Georgina would ever settle down long enough to be a mom, in another way it’ll be difficult for her because Elizabeth, that’s my wife, died two years ago and I miss her everyday.  She sure would be of use right now.  I saw that right away when Georgina started cussing and crying when trying to feed the baby… and something about inverted nipples.  I know a thing or two so I suggested they pump her like a cow and… well it didn’t go over well.  I decided to come home and let the nurses take care of it.  Hopefully they sort it out before she comes home.

Hal travelled home with me and couldn’t stop talking about the kid all the way home.  I offered him one of my drivin’ beers to shut him up but he just went on and on… About how beautiful the baby is.  I just shook my head in agreement even though I have never found a newborn baby to be anything but weird looking.  They look rather pitiful and helpless with their bobbin’ bald heads… sort of like a mini version of my brother Phil.

As I write this, I just come to a realization that everyone will depend on me to keep them gainfully employed.  But that’s for tomorrow, for now we need to figure out what to call this little princess.  Perhaps Jaime, Elizabeth always loved that name because in French, it means “I love”. 

Well long day, eyelids are heavy.  Until next time…  RWG


To find out where all of this is going, check out the feature film Owl River Runners. Check the screenings section for dates and showtimes.